Beyond the Veil

 This short-story was published in Yamuna:SRCC's literary magazine under the cover theme "Veils".

It was 5 am, ‘Monday morning’. Suhana dreaded this cursed hour .The alarm clock rang in full vigour, breaking her dreamy world and making her jump out of bed. She was dressed in a nightgown, with her beautifully curled locks falling on her face. She looked surreal and exuded ‘princessly’ charm. Her large almond- shaped eyes, smooth skin and rosy lips made her look like a Greek goddess.

 As she tied up her hair in a bun, went to the kitchen and prepared breakfast, her mind drifted off to another world. What a robotic and monotonous life she was living, how she married so young, right after graduation, and how her dreams (she dreamt of opening a hotel chain) would never see the light of the day. Hers was a love marriage, resembling a typical Bollywood movie. She had met Kunal in college, and their friendship soon blossomed into love and finally they took their wedding vows, just 2 months after their graduation ceremony. Suhana was crazy about him, then. She was crazy, even now. Even after 3 years of their marriage.

 She went up to the bedroom, where Kunal was asleep. K-u-n-a-l. He was breathtakingly handsome and lovingly adorable, even now. Or so she believed. As she stroked his smoothly cropped black hair, waking him up for breakfast, she realized how a gap had crept into their lives. Almost a vacuum. He barely had anytime for her. He was always into his job, meeting deadline, working overtime and making presentations for his clients. His office was his priority, his new life.

 Her trail of thoughts came to an abrupt halt. Kunal had woken up and was gulping down his morning tea. Without a word, he stormed into the shower. Suhana felt dejected. She wanted him to talk to her, spend time together, go out for dinner , or even a walk in the park. Anything. Just they both should be together, just like the good old times. How badly she longed for him.  “I’m going, Suhana. Will be late today. Have a very crucial meeting with a client. Take care. Bye.”  All she could manage to say was “Okay. Bye.”

After Kunal bid goodbye to her, she sat on the couch, tears welled up in her eyes. She was trying to suppress them. Trying not to cry.  But at that very second, a teardrop trickled down her cheek and she burst into tears. She couldn’t hold it together anymore. She wept unendingly and totally broke down. Her world had been ripped apart .She couldn’t endure it. Not anymore.

 

 

Kunal’s phone had buzzed, while he was in the shower. The phone flashed “ 1 new message”. Suhana was in a double-minded state. She was confused, whether to press the “Open” button or not. She had never checked Kunal’s phone or bill records earlier. How could she? It was K-u-n-a-l. No way. Her hands trembled as she pressed the open button. It said, “Waiting for you at the apartment, sweetheart. See you at 9. Love you lots, Aisha. XoXo” She kept the phone back, and returned back to the kitchen, preparing breakfast, bearing it all inside her heart.

 But after Kunal went, she couldn’t hold it anymore and had burst into tears .He had deceived her. Completely deluded her .But, Suhana’s love for him was not a false display or pretence. She truly, one-sidedly loved him. She couldn’t decipher what was her fault, after all. What had she done to deserve such a betrayal? Was she not a good wife? Or was she not that attractive after all these years? Or maybe she never knew Kunal properly and fully? They had rushed into marriage, very early in their lives and maybe there was a side of him that she was totally unaware of. Maybe. She didn’t know the answer to any of it.

She wiped off her tears and consoled herself to be strong. She promised herself that she wouldn’t create a scene, or confront Kunal. No matter how much she wanted to. As it would only lead to two possibilities, neither of which was acceptable to her: One, he could be indifferent about the matter and refuse to respond properly; Two, he could move out of the house, after a series of fights. She didn’t want any of this melodrama. She wanted Kunal to realize his own fault, his temporary indiscretion and come back to her, in his true sense. She promised to stand strong with valiance and grit. She promised to bear it all with a smile. She put up a brave front, a façade smilingly, in the hope that he will come running back to her and everything will be alright.

Today, Suhana wears her own veil and Kunal, his own. It was funny how on their wedding day too, they both wore veils, (Suhana was clad in a ‘ghunghat” and Kunal wore a ‘sehra’), but how starkingly opposite were the veils they both wore today.

SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE!

This is the prologue written by Taylor Swift, the country singer, on the release of her album "Speak Now". It's a must read.

"Speak now or forever hold your peace",  the words said by the preachers at the end of wedding ceremonies all over the world, right before the vows. It's a last chance for protest, a moment that makes everyone's heart race, and a moment I've always been strangely fascinated by. So many fantasize about bursting into a church, saying what they'd kept inside for years like in the movies. In real life, it rarely happens.

Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial, in fact, that most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately, what I've begun to fear more than that is letting the moment pass without saying anything.
I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life, and looking back regretting the moments we didn't speak up. When we didn't say "I love you". When we should've said "I'm sorry". When we didn't stand up for ourselves or someone who needed help.

These songs are made up of words I didn't say when the moment was right in front of me. These songs are open letters. Each is written with a specific person in mind, telling them what I meant to tell them in person. To the beautiful boy whose heart I broke in December. To my first love who I never thought would be my first heartbreak. To my band. To a mean man I used to be afraid of. To someone who made my world very dark for a while. To a girl who stole something of mine. To someone I forgive for what he said in front of the whole world.

Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good, because the only words you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone.

What you say might be too much for some people. Maybe it will come out all wrong and you'll stutter and you'll walk away embarrassed, wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest.

So say it to them. Or say it to yourself in the mirror. Say it in a letter you'll never send or in a book millions might read someday. I think you deserve to look back on your life without a chorus of resounding voices saying "I could've, but it's too late now".

There is a time for silence. There is a time waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say, you'll know it.

I don't think you should wait. 
I think you should speak now.